March 24, 2020 Service

Because circumstances prohibited a community-wide service, we wanted to provide access to the sentiments shared at Gary's funeral. We know so many of you wanted to be there to say goodbye to your cousin, classmate, church member, golfing buddy, or lifelong friend.

If you haven't seen the obituary, we've included a picture below. Or you can read it online via the Kiesau-Lee Funeral Home website at lee-funeralhomes.com. 

The service was beautiful, with Clinton First United Methodist Church Pastor Rick Robart officiating. Music was provided by Susan Hodges, Gary's sister-in-law, who played "The Old Rugged Cross." In addition, his wife Carla offered up a medley of some of Gary's favorite songs spanning several genres, including "Walking the Floor Over You," "Dream," "My Special Angel," "Just a Closer Walk With Thee," and "Happy Trails."

Special comments were provided by Gary's son Conner, son Chance, daughter Kendy, and granddaughter Bailey. We have provided below the text of each presentation. (Please understand these notes have not been heavily edited for print.)

Conner Cruson

The loss of Gary from this earthly world is tragic, but our family is coping well, and I believe each of us is finding our own peace. As you know, the past 2 years have been a spiraling struggle as dad battled a horrible neurological disease, so in many ways our pain is mitigated by relief for him (who is now whole again and with his savior), and for my mom who shared his daily struggle while acting as his full-time caregiver. 

It’s impossible for me to do justice to my dad’s life by attempting to summarize who he was, partly because my words would fall short of credit, but also because my memories are simply part-of-a-whole. He was something different and special to everyone here. What I can do today is speak to Gary’s tremendous character by sharing a few personal memories. 

I brought my future wife, Teryn who desperately wanted to be here but sends her love from Denver, home for the first time to meet dad and mom, and Gary managed that meeting with the full force of his character:

o   We arrived at mom and dad’s house in the morning. Since that was earlier than the customary ‘5 o’clock’, dad offered Teryn a Bloody Mary, which she accepted. What dad brought her, I would not call a bloody Mary, I would have called it … uh… vodka. True to form for dad

o   So then after a good day of building rapport, Gary thought it was funny to put a tanned racoon skin under the sheets, but on the pillow of the bed she was going to sleep in. And let me tell you, after hearing her reaction… it was funny.

o   The next morning dad concluded his relationship building activities by waking up early while we were still asleep, and filling Teryn’s car up with gas. What a sweet gesture, one that I witnessed many times from dad over the years.

Isn’t it the small things but done consistently what shapes our vision of someone’s character? Gary did some small things, that don’t seem small to me now:

o   I recall when my legs hurt on the return trip of our vacation to Hawaii in 4^th grade and dad massaged my legs for endless hours to ease the pain.

o   I recall how he was all in on the horseplay, taking on 3 boys equipped with improvised swords vs 1 dad odds with the king size bed as the battlegrounds.

o   I recall how he worked 2 jobs for 10 years of his life, because at that time, life demanded resiliency and tenacity.

o   I recall how he greeted all of his kids at the door on their homecoming from graduate school or their adult lives thereafter, and how he displayed his true emotions upon departure.

o   And finally, I recall how dad’s character was larger-than-life in many facets. He could be the toughest guy, the sweetest guy, the life of the party, the best cheerleader and he was always present in his children’s life from the birth of his firstborn to the birth of his 7^th grandchild, a mere 3 months ago.

  

      I would like to end on some words that qualify Gary's character: compassionate, commander, provider, and HERO. It’s commonplace that deep down, every boy’s dad is his personal hero. Webster defines a hero as “a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities”. Until reading that definition I didn’t really know how far above the bar Gary Cruson was. So in closing, I want you to know dad that you are and always will be my hero.      

      Kendy (Cruson) Cox

      As a parent, I’m keenly aware that my kids learn from me every day  – not only from what I purposefully teach, but also from watching what I do or don’t do. Many times over the years I’ve reflected on why I do things a certain way or the strong beliefs I have about something. More times than not, my behavior is a direct result of the way my dad influenced me over the years. The news of his death naturally brought some of those thoughts to the surface so today I wanted to share a few of the lessons I learned from Gary Cruson.

      The first is the value of affection. Daddy loved those in his circle with all his senses. He kissed, he hugged, he gave backrubs and he verbalized his love often. I can remember telling my kids, “When Pa Pa’s hugs hurt, that means he REALLY, REALLY loves you.” I grew up not understanding that some families didn’t hug and kiss like ours. When I did, it was such a realization of the gift he gave me because I firmly believe that there’s not much in life more valuable than an unwavering and ongoing reminder of being loved without question.

Second, my dad never let our finances hinder us from having experiences and creating memories. Some of my best memories from my childhood are from trips and celebrations that we probably weren’t financially in a position to do. In fact, I’ll never forget that he always said he used my college fund for our trip to Hawaii. Whether or not that was ACTUALLY true or just a covert way of motivating me toward scholarships, we had a great trip AND I was able to go to college. He definitely made the most of what we had, and when church ski trips or other opportunities came up, he was always the first to try to find a way to “yes.” I know those things likely were stressful to him, but he never made us feel that way. In fact, he often said about money, “You can’t take it to the grave.” Thus, I don’t have a worrisome relationship with money, which I’m happy about since I tend to worry about a lot of other things. But, kids, just so you know I won’t use your college funds to go to Hawaii. P.S. You also don’t have college funds.

He also taught me how to have fun. As Conner said, he was always just so dang funny and playful. One of my favorite things to tell about daddy was how he ALWAYS would ask a new friend that came to the house for the first time, “Do your folks still fight like they used to?” He would laugh and laugh at some of the answers he got!! In addition, he loved a good joke and to tell you the latest joke he heard……over and over again.  

He was honest about his faults and that he had not always lived the most virtuous life, but in that he reinforced for me what the Bible tells us about God’s unconditional love that is not contingent upon perfection. One summer after church camp, I was enamored with a metaphor about God’s righteousness using the example of trying to suck all the air out of a bottle….that it is impossible, but you need only fill the bottle up with water to do so. This, of course, was to illustrate that trying to remove the bad in us is futile but instead God does the job simply by filling us up with his goodness. My dad told me that this was definitely an illustration of his own life and that he relied daily on God’s promise to keep on filling him up.

He taught me that you do for others when they are unable to do for themselves. He was always good about taking control in hard situations, and he was not shy about doing this for his kids, as well. I’ve never been very assertive and sometimes could get a bit stuck when I didn’t know what to do. He never hesitated to tell me what I should do and MOST times I took his advice, even when I first scoffed at the notion. I think the greatest example is when I had graduated college but didn’t yet have a job in my career field. I know it bothered him to see me in that place of inaction. What I didn’t know at the time was that he took matters into his own hands and sent my resume to one of his childhood friends, Jerry Regier, who was a high ranking Oklahoma government official and member of Governor Keating’s Cabinet. Imagine my surprise when I got a call from Cabinet Secretary Regier’s assistant out of the blue one day. I was absolutely mortified, but went to see the guy and the rest, as they say, is history. He got me an interview with a firm where I’ve now worked for 20 years and at which I am currently a Vice President. Oh, and get this….in his retirement, Jerry Regier is working for my firm and I am HIS SUPERVISOR. Dad sure got a laugh out of that one!

He and my mom modeled the good and every so often the not so good of marriage. As we were talking this week, Chance said the very same thing… that our parents showed us that fighting and making up and being vulnerable was normal and healthy, and we’ve all taken those lessons into our own marriages. Further, one of the things that has touched me most in this regard is seeing how they weathered their empty nest period. I’ll be honest and say that part of me worried that once all the kids were gone, they would struggle….or maybe even kill each other. But, lo and behold, the opposite happened. My mom started playing golf with dad and they began spending regular time together playing together. It tickled him so much to teach her and share with her something he loved. As for his role in preparing me for my own marriage, he did not leave me without guidance. In fact, he told me in no uncertain terms when I went to college that I simply was not allowed to date anyone who was from farther away than a day’s drive because he refused to let me move away. I used to tease him and talk about the Australian tennis player who was coming around! But, I heeded his guidance and found my husband who was from a respectable 7.5 hours away. Fast forward to more recent days, and my dad never ever failed to tell me how well he thought I did and how much he loved my husband and kids.

He taught me to apologize. He wasn’t perfect as a father just like I wasn’t perfect as a kid and certainly as a teen. Yes, there were times when I thought he was the absolute worst because he had high standards and continually called me to be better….often with a lot of yelling involved. But, he was never too proud to tell me he was sorry and ask for forgiveness. I find myself too much of a yeller – so there are some patterns that are just hard to break – but I always remember and am careful to remind my kids that I’m human, I make mistakes, and I want to be accountable for them.

My dad also believed in the importance of birthdays, celebrations and grand gestures. I recall so many same-day trips to Oklahoma City on a Tuesday evening simply because it was someone’s birthday and by golly birthdays are meant to be celebrated on that day. Further, he loved a grand gesture, whether it be positive OR negative. From the “look outside Carla!” new car surprise to the fully assembled trampoline waiting outside on Christmas morning, to the fanfare of removing my bedroom door as a punishment when he had had enough with my teenage attitude and seclusion tactics, he knew how to make a statement! 

Finally, he continually showed up for and took care of his family in big and small ways. We all remember the dreaded paper route years, which were so hard on him but was something he did because it was necessary to keep us afloat. Further, I remember many times when I was in college when he drove up to help me get a new battery for my car or get the oil changed. And there are so many small things he did, even in recent years, like getting up early to make a big breakfast for all of our family when we came to stay at the house. I’m thankful for those memories…and also thankful that I’ll never again have to eat that darned burnt sausage that he thought everyone loved.

As I close, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention his infatuation with the movie Tombstone. He loved Doc Holliday, Wyatt Earp and the famous line “I’ll be your Huckleberry.” In fact, he used to say it so much and in a variety of circumstances that we really didn’t ever quite understood what it actually meant. When you look up the expression “I’ll be your Huckleberry” it means “I’ll be just the right person for a given job.” The phrase has ties to Arthurian lore when a knight would come to the service of someone in need. It also has been translated as “I am your champion.”

Daddy, without a doubt you are my champion and JUST the right person to be my dad. Thanks for always being my Huckleberry.

Bailey Cox (age 15)

When I found out about grandpa's death, I wrote him a letter because that's the only thing I could think to do to capture my thoughts. Here it is:

To the man who gave up smoking when I was born because he wanted to make it to see me grow up and get married, the man who offered me more and more donuts after I already ate enough breakfast for 3 people, the man who was always down to take me to the golf course and let me drive the cart even though I ALWAYS hit something, and the man who never ever failed to make me do things I was afraid to do:

I’ll miss going out to feed the cows and having to avoid the poop.

I’ll miss you *trying* to teach me how to rope.

I’ll miss your extremely inappropriate humor.

I’ll miss every Christmas when you’d always say, “I helped grandma pick that!” 😊

I’ll miss every Thanksgiving and how you always put too much salt on everything at dinner.

I’ll miss Easter and our egg hunts.

I’ll miss 4^th of July and our ghetto fireworks.

I’ll miss the summer trips to your house that I used to spend every day looking forward to.

I’ll miss the way you used to come out to greet us when we pulled up to your house.

I’ll miss being your little bartender.

Most importantly, I’ll miss talking to you.

I only wish I had gotten to say goodbye. I wish you had gotten to see me drive for the first time, sign to college, and graduate. Oh, and I KNOW you were looking forward to the day I turn 21 so you could offer me a drink, too.

You will always have a special place in my heart. I will always look up to you. And I’ll always be your little girl.

Love,

Bailey

P.S. Your seat at my wedding is already saved.

Chance Cruson

As I think about my father, I feel blessed to be his child. He has shaped me as a man, a husband and a father. Two phrases I have heard him say a thousand times keep coming to the forefront of my thoughts. Both are unassuming statements but they have always guided me in difficult times. "It is all going to be okay" and "You do what you gotta do".

Gary had a gift of giving everyone perspective. They guy had more heart than he had hair. The good, the bad, it is all going to be okay. It seems apropos in 2020 in the middle of a pandemic. Gary has passed and we all grieve here today. But, as Gary said, it is all going to be okay.

I do not have many recollections of my father as a cowboy. He gave that life up before have memories. What I do remember is the man he was as a father and a husband. Mom and Dad had a fixed income with 4 children. I learned how to be a father in that time. Life is going to be hard at times. We sacrifice to lift those around us. It will be messy and joyful. And it is all gonna be okay. Money is short, do what you gotta do and it will all be okay. Death in the family? He'd say "Grieve, be sad, but it is all gonna be okay." Baseball team lost? "I am proud of you, and it is all gonna be okay." I shot 80 and thought I should win a golf tournament? "You learned something today and it is all gonna be okay."

Sacrifice defined my father. Sometimes he sacrificed because it was a blessing to others. Sometimes it was involuntary. Before I remember my dad, my dad sold his acreage and arena to make ends meet. He loved that land and he loved that arena. Gary had many jobs when we grew up, he was an insurance agent/owner, he was a teacher. Apparently, we cost more than that. Gary had a Daily Oklahoman paper route and worked at Catlett's grocery store. He would work 8-3 at school, 5-11 at the quick stop or at a different time, woke up at 4 am to deliver papers, 3 am on Sunday. Why did he do this? Because we needed money. His sacrifices were worth his children and wife having what they need. Ballet shoes, school trips, golf clubs. We never grew up in need or wanting. He spent years sleeping little and with his head down laboring in love. You do what you gotta do.

As I spent time reflecting on my father and his character, I continue to return the point of sacrifice and duty to his family. However, I don’t think that does justice to him. I found resolution in Galatians 5 verses 22-24. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. I will let you guys decide which of those things Gary accomplished and which ones he lacked. 

My father was so alive so vibrant. He was always the biggest personality in the room. He was always on level 10. Or asleep. He was deeply emotional and loved so deeply. His passions are why he was loved so deeply by his family, the community, and the students he taught. Because he was so passionate. That passion was also why so many people had discord with Gary. I know there are a few middle school students that are now adults that have been waiting a long time for this day. As his children and his family, I know we have all had yelling matches with this man because he brought so much emotion to every interaction. He always wanted the best for his children. Sometimes he did know best in retrospect. Contrarily, he will go to his grave 100% wrong in many of our disagreements.

His vitality was ultimately compromised and conquered by a horrible disease. The man that was so strong, strong willed and independent was humbled. My dad had many struggles in the last few years and more specifically in the last few months. His body had failed him, his mind was slowing. Depression circled his daily life. Hope turned to hopelessness. Mom was taking him to the bathroom, providing 24-hour care to much his dismay. Life has changed as mom and dad knew it. My mother behaved in the most Godly manner. She stood by and supported and cared for a man that was not always easy to care for. She blessed him in a way that nothing and no one else could. We will all be eternally grateful for her love and sacrifice. There is a special place in heaven for angels like my mother.

In his debilitated state, Gary was essentially home bound with oxygen treatments, Albuterol, a 1 hour bladder. He fell weekly if not daily. He was emotionally crippled and physically bruised and battered. He had no business leaving the house and no business leaving Clinton. On December 17, he traveled to Ardmore for the birth of our baby girl. I think he knew this was the end. Hell or high water, he was going see his new grandbaby. That was his final gift he gave my family. Arly won't know her grandfather, but he will know her. I pray that I can teach my boys and my little girl the love of family and the duty of sacrifice dad lived every day.

In addition, at the graveside, grandchildren Bennett and Nolan Cox shared a few additional words:

Bennett Cox (age 6)

I wish I could see Papa one more day. I wish I could spend time with him. I would do a lot of things with him like sit on his lap, ride the golf cart, and tell jokes. And it would be so much fun. I wish I could say goodbye.

Nolan Cox (age 12)

I will miss grandpa's smile. I will miss his desire to spend as much time with me as he could. I will miss telling him about my day and all my sports. I will miss all the Popsicles and Twinkies he stocked up on for us....I will never eat another of those without thinking of him. Finally,I will miss how he was always on my side because he was my biggest supporter.  

Thank you for being a "virtual" part of this experience and for caring about Gary. He will be missed!